OCD vs DCD (Don’t Care a Damn) – Clash of the Titans!

You’re probably thinking I’ve stealthily done away with OCD due to my silence for the past three years. Actually, he’s alive and well and in full OCD mode.

While I was on dialysis and later had a kidney transplant, my mind was too foggy to notice the growth of OCD-ness, and to be honest OCD was also being sensitive and careful.

But now I’m renewed, revived and ready to get into battle, and man has the syndrome grown!

It all started with the butter dish. OCD used to put it on top of the microwave, but I noticed the butter would melt, so I put it elsewhere. Every morning I’d see that it was back on the microwave and very quietly I put it back – this went on for a few months and it was a clash of wills to see who would give in first. So, one day I showed him the melted butter and then it was all mine – small wins.

Post surgery, the battle has gone in silent mode but its ON! OCD washes the dishes because he claims I don’t clean them well enough – he doesn’t ding that I do that on purpose to avoid washing dishes. I mean we all know I dislike housework, and I make no bones about it although every now and then he innocently asks me “don’t you feel guilty?” Its hard to say NO with a straight face but he gets the message. He’s started calling me “Moti kaamchor” roughly and politely translated as chubby procrastinator! (It’s not so polite in Urdu)

The understanding is that I cook and serve (food and drinks must be served in matching dishes and mugs – I panicked when one matching mug broke and then there was one!) while OCD washes the dishes, and I put them away in the morning. Later I see that he has rearranged the cutlery with small spoons facing one way and the forks the other way – seriously??? How important is it to have spoons facing one way in the larger scheme of world events (which by the way is my field of work) but OCD confesses that he can’t work if ‘things’ are not in their place.

The” things-in-place” is a serious issue – newspapers must be kept facing the same way; pencils and pens in separate drawers; my clothes can’t be left on the ironing table for more than 15 mins. You must have heard of House Beautiful – but we have “Fridge Beautiful” – the refrigerator must be decorated with everything on a specific shelf placed according to size of container. To add insult to injury his favorite Brazilian house cleaning lady then redecorates the fridge in her own way. So, when the question is innocently raised about “why can’t I find anything in my fridge?”, there are two people to blame! Leaves me bewildered, bemused and befuddled.

Speaking of cleaning lady, the day she comes is a heavy on me because OCD wants the house clean for the cleaning lady??? God forbid she comes into a house that is messy. I don’t ask, I just leave and go have coffee somewhere.

Frankly, I did try to help. In a moment of weakness, I decided to clean the kitchen cupboards. I took out everything which was triple stashed (OCD syndrome #10 – there must be 2 backups for everything which I grudgingly appreciated during the lockdown). There were things that were more than two years old so piled them all on the dining table. I should have done this when he was out – my bad. OCD came and put everything back – even expired stuff. It’s so embarrassing that my sons come and take bets about how many expired things they will find in our fridge – and they do.

Then there is the ‘re-decorating syndrome’ – once a month I wake up to an entirely re-decorated living room or kitchen. Both Chica the cat and I trip over things that were not there the night before. Chairs must be lined up hip to hip, cushions straightened twice a day, and I can never find what I need in the kitchen because it’s been redone while I was asleep.

The latest obsession is with farm eggs – he won’t eat regular grocery eggs. While I appreciate the intention, the closest farm is 45 minutes away and trust me I have been sent on a mission to just get organic eggs. I’d lay them myself if I could 😊

All this said, after 48 years we do love each other – but with an edge. The competition between ‘cleans’ and ‘messies’ is in full swing and may the messiest person win.

Till next time – Cheerio! Catch up with the previous episodes of the OCD saga, on my blog at:

https://raheelraza.com/reflections-in-the-time-of-corona-8-the-fan-club/